I understand the fascination of having 3 babies at once. Just when I think I'm used to looking at 3 beautiful sleeping babies, well, toddlers, in their cribs, I realize that I have THREE sleeping babies for whom I'm responsible (Jack's responsibility is implied, of course). I'm responsible for teaching them to not hit, to listen to directions, to eat their food and not throw it. It is up to me to teach them to love books, to discover bugs and dandelions, to begin instilling a love of learning. While saving for 3 college educations, it is up to me to get them ready for preschool by learning numbers, colors, the alphabet, by teaching them to sit and listen, how to wash their hands and that crayons are for coloring, not eating or drawing on each other. I get it.
When we are out in the world, I get stopped....A LOT! It seems that almost every person who passes us utters a comment. Most of them I hear, but are not directed at me, like "Wow! She's got 3 babies" or "Look at that stroller!" I've learned to ignore most comments. I used to stop and acknowledge a nice comment but now, I put my head down and pretend that it is just me, Ellie, Lily and Liam at the mall, zoo, Costco or wherever
Often I want to make a smart-ass comment back, depending on my mood. I never do. I'm not that kind of person. A lot of times, I wish I could come back with a zinger. I think about it and I usually have one just dying to pop out of my mouth, but the commenter means no harm. It is a curiosity to have 3 babies and this person is different than the 20 previous commenters. I have to remember that. I don't want to hurt feelings.
There are some questions though that just are SO inapporpriate and I'm constantly amazed that people don't find them too personal. Maybe they are embarrassed after we leave. Who knows? When those questions come up, I either make up an answer or I give an ambiguous response that will make them think and hopefully realize that they've crossed the line.
For example, here are some cross-the-line questions/comments:
1. Did you use fertility drugs? I'll tell you if you tell me about you.Let's talk about YOUR last woman visit.
2. I assume you used drugs, why? WHAT?!?!?!?
3. Are they natural? No, actually they are plastic! Can you believe it! They are really doing amazing things with plastic these days.
4. Did you deliver naturally or C-section? Does the way in which my beautiful children came into the world really matter?
5. Are they healthy? Most of the time. How is YOUR health? Really, I do understand the curiosity, but would people really want to know if my child has some devastating health issue? Why would I discuss my children's medical history with a stranger?
6. I'd kill myself if I had 3. I love to hear this one. Seriously, why would you say that to a Mom in front of her children?
7. Do twins or triplets run in your family? They do now, especially when they are in trouble.
SOME DON'Ts:
1. Tell me that I have my hands full. I know that I do. Think of something more creative.
2. Ask me if they are all identical. Look closely...I have a boy in the mix so that narrows the field. For those of you who may not know...boys and girls anatomically CANNOT be identical. Look at my girls...they look completely different. Related? Yes. Identical? No.
3. Ask me if all 3 of them are twins. No further explanation needed on this one.
4. Ask me if I got a lot of sleep. Are you insane? I'm sure that you can figure out this one by yourself.
5. Ask me if they are all mine. Do you want to do errands with 3 toddlers? Sometimes I just want to tell them that I get bored with the same errands with one baby so bringing along another toddler or two makes the day a little more of a challenge for me.
SOME DOs:
1. Ask their names and personalities. They are 3 different little people with completely different personalities. They are not 1 entity, even though they were born a minute apart.
2. Tell me how beautiful they are. Every Mom loves hearing about how beautiful, perfect and talented her children are.
3. Tell me that you are amazed and impressed that I'm out and about with 3 toddlers and that we all are happy. We are and I love beign with them.
I leave you with some pictures...
Ellie is wearing Liam's safety goggles from his tool bench. She loved them and they actually dress up her outfit a bit, huh?
Liam and Ellie eating some "pos-cle" and playing in the pool. Lily was still getting her beauty rest.
She's up and more beautiful than before!
11 comments:
AMEN! I love this post and you are so right! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings either so I just need to learn to grin and bear the comments. I think instead of me reiterating everything you just said so elloquently....I want to link to your post from my blog if that is alright. I especially love your questions and Do's and Don't lists! Perfect! I completely agree!
PS...I'll be in Denver later in July for my brother's wedding...how fun! It is always so gorgeous there when we visit! Hope you are having a great summer...the pool pics are adorable!
I love the little pos-cle pictures!! I think I heard for the 2 millionth time today, "Boy you've got your hands full". I bit down really hard to not snap back, "Please come up with something a little more creative next time you comment on the life of a complete stranger." But alas, I'm like you and would never actually say something like that to a total stranger... but boy did I ever think it!! With my four on that same outing we were twice asked if some of those were twins?!? Where do these people come from???
Your kids really are beautiful!!!
I guess we've gotta take some bad with all the good. I think the "you've got your hands full" comment is the worst. Is it the only thing they can think to say or why do they feel they HAVE to say anything at all? I prefer stares over that comment.
i am getting really tired of the you've got your hands full comment too. no, really? do i? thanks for pointing it out mr. or mrs. obvious.
lately whenever we are out there have been numerous people on cell phones who say loudly to whoever they are talking to "oh my gosh triplets just walked by!" and i also have been getting the, "oh, i just HAVE to see them." a lot too. really? do you really HAVE to? i don't think so.
i love the pictures, your babies are beautiful!
This cracked me up. Somehow, I think we need to put some of that on a t-shirt and hand them out to all the moms of multiples! As a mom of trips, myself, I feel your pain. I love it when they ask me why I went for 3 more when I already have 2 healthy kids! HELLO? Do you think I TRIED to have 3 more...sneak 'em all in before I turned 35?
Btw - your kids are absolutely gorgeous. You're amazing for getting out with them. And kudos for making sure to blog about it all. the kids'll thank you someday!
good post and nice ideas on positive things to say :)
your children are beautiful!
can you believe our kids are getting so big??
The comments ARE really annoying. I especially hate it when people we know request that we come to a party or event so everyone can see the TRIPLETS!! Like we are some traveling circus. Maybe I should start charging at the door. I could use the money. At least we know how special they EACH are. We used to have that same pool when Ashlyn was a baby. She loved it.
Cadi
I came across your blog on a link from another triplet mom. I do not have multiples but I do have 4 boys ages 10yrs - 5 months and I get the "hands full" comment a lot also. I read a great response though that I've used for years and that is simply..."Better full than empty" which is truthfully how we all feel isn't it? Best of luck to you and your beautiful babies!
Oh yes, the wonderful comments to a mother who's "got her hands full." We used to get them all the time too. My first two kids are 14 months apart, and then there are 4 and 3 years between the boys, and the twins. THe comments are never ending, even now. And we get the "are they identical" one alot too, even though my twins are BOY GIRL! It amazes me how little people pay attention in health class that they don't know the difference between male and female, and WHY they're not identical!!!
The hands full one I now only reply with "no, they're not thank you, but my heart is."
Your children are just beautiful!!!!!
I loved this post! So funny! I have 6 month old triplets and I can totally relate!!! I just went out with all 3 by myself the other day and people looked at me as if I was from another planet!! and yes, some lady asked for my fertility doctor's number!! oh my goodness!!! :)
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